The Perfect Plan

Ok once in a lifetime everyone gets the perfect plan. I seem to get

them all the time, but they never work out the way I had planned.

Everyone that knows me knows that I have lots of animals. I have 2

dogs, 1 outside cat, and my best buddy Cleo my inside cat. At

one time I had 14 different pets including some birds and a

tarantella. I am very protective of my animals and don’t like it when

strays or neighbors animals come over and hurt my animals. I had this

problem with the neighbor’s cat coming over and just beating up my

cat. I don’t know if it was just part of them mating or what, but my

outside cat was getting beat up pretty bad. I had to take him to the

vet once cause he got really cut up by this crazy cat. I decided I had

to defend him once and for all. I thought I had developed the perfect

plan. I have this BB pistol that is really powerful. Anyone that knows

me knows that it probably would not be a good idea for me to own a

real pistol. I had planned to have the pistol ready the next time I

heard that crazy cat outside hurting my cat. I was watching “Alias”

one night on TV and heard the fighting start up outside. I was ready.

I grabbed the pistol and cut off the lights and creap over near the

front door. The outside light was not on and the door was locked. This

was not in the plan. My wife had cut off the light and locked the

door. So I created a plan “B”. I would unlock the door, cut on the

outside light, open the front door, and shoot the cat at the same

time. The cat was on the top step of the porch and was in the perfect

place for me to get him. So I was ready. With the pistol in one hand I

unlocked the door, flicked on the light switch, and proceeded to open

the door to shoot the cat, but the door didn’t open. The dead bolt was

locked. So when the door didn’t open it made my finger pull the

trigger on the pistol. I heard a shot and a crackling sound. The cat

just walked off. It was as if he just laughed at me. My wife yelled

what was that. I didn’t know. All of a sudden the entire side window

of the front door turned white and fell to the floor. I freaked out. I

tried to explain what happened and she just shook her head and called

me an idiot. My plan had failed again. So if I ever tell you I have a

great plan run.